photo by  Edmund X White

“She was on her back on the bed, and I was kneeling over her, and we were making out, then my boyfriend came up behind us and started fucking her while we made out. It was extremely hot…I’m getting a little flustered just thinking about it.”

I am not alone in finding that hot. Threesomes rank as one of the most popular fantasies. But fantasy and reality often split: threesomes can be intimidating or at worst awkward.  It’s tumbling, body first, into a sexual territory that no one teaches us about.

But there’s reason we keep coming back to the three-way after drink four. There is something hot– and dare i say natural– about group sex. I went to the source: threesome veterans themselves– hoping to get some direction on this sex without a guide.

Yes. They can be hot.

According tot he experts, there is a reason to risk awkwardness, put yourself out there. Or maybe this guy is just lucky:

“I got a text from the neighbor down the hall saying the “door was open” and to “come over for a surprise”. Curiosity got the best of me and I put some clothes on. I was greeted by she and her friend, fully nude and grinning while pulling at my belt.  Many positions later I had one of the best orgasms ever–while the two of them made out on my tip.”

Well of  course a guy is going to report it’s just all hotness. That’s evolutionary psychology, dudes are hard-wired to be into group sex. With ladies, it’s a little tricky. So maybe consider this girl’s word:

“My boyfriend gave me amazing oral while I furiously made out with guy #2  who groped my breasts. Same session: I was on top of guy #2, fucking him, when my boyfriend started fucking me anally. It was the first time I got DPed and I pretty much went limp. I couldn’t do anything except focus on being filled and consumed. When I turned around and noticed how close we all were… that was really hot.”

But there’s a reason I suggested AWKWARD .

“I was an occasional fuck buddy with this pro dom. She was young– early 20′s–most of her friends the same. I thought I was going over for a little gathering, but after dinner the host announces that we are all going to fuck. Everyone starts getting naked. There’s like 8 or 10 of us. Fairly mixed group of good looking people.

I am on my knees sucking this guys cock as his girlfriend directs. It pushed my limits because I barely knew her. I had no problem with the act but she was too bossy and we hadn’t  talked about likes and dislikes. Giving this guy a blowjob was fine, but her throwing out degrading terms? No thanks.

Next, I started fucking this girl on the couch. It was awkward because I knew her, had never fucked her but wanted to. Now here we are, in front of others for the first time. It was emotionless, kind of bland. Things got interesting when we attempted to make her squirt. Another guy inserted water from a squeeze bottle and while I fucked her, she was fingered and liquid flew everywhere. Having made a girl squirt unintentionally once, I felt it was contrived. Having a camera shooting it would not have felt out of place. At least that’s how I remember it. I am about 98% certain I never came.”

Maybe planning helps?

I got mixed signals on plan vs. “just let is happen”. My take is that if you really want to make this fantasy a reality, you have to go out and make it happen, do some planning–at  least a conversation about what’s okay and not okay. Some sage advice:

“It should be pre-planned. There could be certain things that need to be cleared up first. In the middle of things it’s awkward if one is rejected,  or you could do something in the heat of things that will create tension afterward. Planning doesn’t get rid of any of the passion or excitement of it, especially if it is your first one.”

Emotions can get in the Way

I kind of hate this, it just feels so contrived to say someone’s feeling will get hurt. But there is reason. Sometimes people decide to have threesomes, when they really just want 1 out of the 3. So know why you want the group sex. Self explore before you dive in, or reflect afterward.

“I was the “third” who slept with a couple. I had been crushing on the guy for a LONG time and eventually fell for him, but had only just met the girl. Apparently the girl felt more strongly attracted to me than the guy did. it was a little awkward during the actual threesome my mood took a dive because of my feelings for the guy.”

But it is possible to fuck your friends… just have cool friends.

“A  large group of friends (eight of us) were in the hot tub together on an icy night. We ended up getting naked and playing around a little bit. One of the guys asked my permission to play with my husband’s balls. It was a fun, erotic and totally relaxed atmosphere. Later, the girls went off to hang out inside, but I learned that one of the guys gave another a BJ while the girls were away. It was actually really cool. We’re all still very close and it’s usually platonic when we hang out.”

“When you are fucking, you can be at your most vulnerable– emotionally and physically. Seeing your friends orgasm while you watch sounds like it could be invasive, but I like seeing people happy and it can bring you closer.”

Again, it’s about communication.

I’m starting to sound like a broken record on relationships but the awkwardness seems to come from a lack of communication:

“I had a horrifying moment once in a group (2 couples) where we basically swapped partners. I wasn’t 100% ok with it, but due to the intensity of the situation, I felt unable to make it stop.”

Lack of communication also led to an awkward threesome I had. Drunk, I picked up a gorgeous girl. After making out at the bar, I left  with she and her male friend.  I didn’t realize the friend was her boyfriend until we got back to their hotel room. I was into this rockabilly girl, but did not want her dude. But I proceeded in an awkward threesome in which the boyfriend and I didn’t touch or kiss– like two bro-dudes on one sorority girl, trying to make her into two.

Oh, if only I had the advice of these three-way experts:

“If you are going to have group sex you can not be shy or timid about it. SPEAK UP! tell them what you want.”

“It doesn’t take a lot of effort to make the sex itself work. Your first few times there are a lot of little awkward moments, but it’s mostly just intuition and feeling. Your body just knows what to do, like in any form of sex.”

“Doing it once doesn’t count. It will probably be awkward because anytime you do something new, it tends to be that way. Just enjoy yourself and know that most people like sex and would try a lot more if they didn’t feel a stigma attached to it. Another important thing is to have group sex with people you trust and respect. If you aren’t feeling it, you shouldn’t be pressured to engage.”

Group sex can be just as hot as it is awkward, okay maybe more so. But, it is a different kind of sex.

“I learned that I prefer being with one person. I think it’s easier to find that intimacy during and after sex. Cuddling is something I really miss. After fucking, cuddling is a possibility in a group setting but it hasn’t happened for me.”

“I like that in a threesome one can sometimes take a break, be a voyeur, direct others.”

“The foreplay involved in a threesome is no longer just foreplay. It’s the sex itself. Being in the middle of kissing or squeezing two or three people is a very intense feeling– you get totally overwhelmed.”

All in all, it seems the lesson here is plan, communicate and commit to going out and making it happen. Because most of us will never be this guy:

“I was born lucky enough to have a sister close in age and a mother that let my sister’s hot friends sleep over. And wouldn’t you know my sister’s hot friends always managed to find themselves tapping on my bedroom door after everyone was snoring away. I was 18 when I had my first threesome this way. And to date, I have had sex with two or more girls on four different occasions.”