Photo: Raquel Reed http://ihateraquelreed.com
The internet is changing us. In my day-to-day interactions I do not share intimate details of my life. Yet on my blog I publicize these personal stories, sharing them with people who are arguably more unknown to me than co-workers or whoever. There is a view that uploading lots of photos of yourself to a social network or blogging intimate details of your life is narcissistic or shallow. But I argue that the Internet is allowing for multifaceted, deeper ways to present ourselves and connect with others.
Your imagination, aesthetics, thoughts cannot be discovered by a casual first meeting. But with the internet we can learn a lot about each other and ourselves almost instantly.
I think the internet allows us to embrace the many selves within. I believe that emotionally, psychologically, we are made up of many different voices, each of which may have it’s own distinct tastes, perspectives and personalities. The internet can better allow us to better reflect that nuanced inner world, to explore the many different parts of our personalities in a way that day to day interactions don’t allow for.
I think a notion exists that when one plays with a persona online that they are being “fake. But, if anything the people I meet in real life made more sense after seeing them online.
In a way, online, you get to interact with the best parts of people. A lot of the burdens of real life like social awkwardness, defenses and embarrassment are minimized. When chatting online you are allowed more time for responses, you get to edit what you are going to say, or can use google if you don’t know an answer or obscure reference. I think it can actually enrich our interactions.
To some this may seem like a bad thing, like you are being yourself without your “flaws.” You have control over how you want to be seen and I think it is efficient and interesting.
I think a very “90′s -Mom” idea still exists of “but you can be lying online, you can be anyone on the ‘cyberspace’.” But you can also tell a lot about someone by their internet presence. We make these judgments instantly when we decide whose friend requests we will confirm or deny.
Would it be too cliche to now ask, what did people do before the Internet? Growing up in a small town in the middle of nowhere, my peers’ interests were nearly the same as the 80-year-old men sitting on their front lawns: they enjoyed fishing, hunting, church and binge drinking cans of Keystone Light. This was not going to work for me. The internet allowed my teenage self to learn, to discover music and culture, to waste my time on forums and pre-Etsy sites where girls hawked finicky jewelry.
A few months ago Steven Levy wrote a piece for Wired about Twitter. The story centered on the guilt he felt with social networking. “The more I upload the details of my existence the more I worry about giving away too much.” As a blogger I can relate to this. When I share those intimate details of my life it is always with a purpose in mind. I ask myself why am I posting this, what do I hope people will get out of this? I think that knowing there is a responsibility with what you share is key.
The internet cannot hide your identity, but maybe it can help you find it.
11 Comments
very insightful article. i think i am officially dedicated to your blog now as more than (no offense) a curiosity. i have a similiar viewpoint about identity and the internet (and about the internal world of selves for that matter). seems at my workplace (i’m a high school teacher) i always have to defend myspace, blogs and twitter to the ‘grown-ups’. people don’t want to see the self-discovering/creating value in the internet because they can’t quite navigate and assimilate it. then there are some for whom the wide-open space the internet provides them with contradicts what they know about safety, consistency, blah, blah, blah. and those of us who ‘get it’ thrive simultaneously on feelings of expansiveness and the ever-looming possibility of authentic sharing, learning, growing. i think (and not to be overly-critical) that those who ‘don’t get it’ suffer from what is termed cultural lag.
Hi Jamie,
Very interesting that you are a highschool teacher, I would think it’s got to give you a pretty fresh perspective on this topic. Yeah I agree that “not getting it” is a cultural lag and something that will be totally silly in years to come! I think what it comes down to is fear of change of something different but at the same time perhaps jealousy. The internet as does not erase you, it only makes you more visible. With that your self esteem can be magnified too…perhaps the people who hate on those with strong Internet persona’s are simply jealous. Jealous, but also scared because they don’t feel confident enough to be that visible. Anyway I think it’s very interesting and am happy to hear that you are a defender of our online lives!
Lovely to hear I’ve got a recruit
For myself and a few others, I can say, yes totally true! Unfortunately, I have experienced the opposite a few times. I’ve known people to use facades online, but in real life, they’re completely different and fake. I also agree that the internet may help certain people find out more of who they are, but in the same regard, there are some that create themselves based on what they see online. I think it all depends on what type of person they are to begin with. If someone has always been a shape shifter, the internet fuels that way of life. Then again, for those that are real, the internet is a place for them to flourish and learn.
I also relate to the idea that we get to see the best parts of eachother online without all the awkwardness you mentioned. It is a luxury I enjoy the most. I often feel socially inept : /
& thank you for the b-day wishes!
XOXO
The irony is that “ihateraquelreed.com” is THAT person’s internet persona.
Oddly, my online persona pretty closely mirrors my real-life self. I don’t know if this is because I’ve been writing forever, and online since the early ’90s, but I think I grew pretty comfortable putting stuff out there a long time ago so it feels pretty natural. Maybe this is why I kind of chuckle at all this talk of “personal branding” nowadays. Sure, I believe in putting your best foot forward professionally, and have zero against the person that uses the web to be more or less than they actually are, but for me I am who I am.
I so agree with what you’ve said here. I’ve been online actively for about 10 years now (even having a webcam (or six) set up in my home for some years). Many of the relatonships I’ve developed online have been some of the more rewarding relationships I’ve had. Even with people I’ve never met face-to-face.
Those who think there’s something strange about having real friendships with people who’ve never met, or with having an active online social life, I think really don’t understand the medium.
To me, it’s like having certain friends with whom you do certain activities. For instance, I have a childless friend with whom I catch up occasionally. She has a strong online presense. When we meet up, we might choose a big park where my 5 year old can go off and play by himself and we can talk a lot (often about stuff that happens online). My other friend has two kids, but doesn’t have as active an online life (a less techy person) and when we meet up, we do things together that the kids can enjoy and we talk about children and parenting.
Same with friends online. It’s not a different persona, per se, but a different aspect of my self.
Awesome article. Thanks.
i completely agree with what you’ve written here. i know that in real life, i’m always worried that people are paying attention to what i look like, where they met me, all that stuff, and because of those little hindrances are never going to be able to see the real me, my mind, my “heart,” my real personality. my “persona” on the internet is just my rawest form. (and i’m much more forward. in real life i’m painfully shy.)
i, like jamie, am now a follower of your blog; after seeing your 20sb profile, and reading just the two entries i read here just now, i have to say, i love your perspective on things.
Naomi,
thanks so much for the kind words, looking forward to your input and ideas on my posts!
I could not agree with your point of view about those hindrances more. I think the internet really allows us to shine in positive ways that just aren’t possible in most real life situations. Especially for those of us who are shy or socially awkward or really with any sort of defense.
I do think Internet is a phenomenal thing for people and for those who are shy and for those who just want to share their life. Internet gives you so many opportunity to as you said shine. We can discover, upgrade and share our abilities that we are/were afraid to show up in real life. That gives power and strength to follow dreams. In this case I am absolutely for in having Internet persona.
Btw. We all have. We are bloggers.
Thanks so much for your comments and for the book recommendation. For sure I will purchase it. Hope it will give me much more perspective and view about my dreams.
“The Internet cannot hide your identity, but it can help you find it.” I cannot agree more. Just like in real life some of us have mates to “hang out with” and mates for “real conversations”, on the Internet we tend to share different things with different people from different communities- fashion, writing, photography, and blogging of course, even if it is about the most trivial things in everyday life. By exchanging ideas with people other than our “other self” or simply by opening up our mind to a thousand and one other possibilities for life, we discover and explore the outside world as well as ourselves. Personally I think everything is okay to be put up on the Internet. The problem is how you put it, to whom, for which purpose, and that makes your Internet persona…
Thanks a lot Rabbit for the comment on my 20 Something page! I enjoyed reading your blog!
I know this post is old, but it was on your “Best Of” list, and I think this topic is always relevant.
Online, we can be ourselves more openly and comfortably than we can in real life. We don’t have to worry about the face-to-face judgement or disapproval of others; it’s a lot easier to disregard negative feedback when you don’t have to see the person it’s coming from.
The internet is an audience of millions, but you feel so safe opening up, because it’s easier to connect with people; you feel like you’re telling someone these things one-on-one, but you get that one-on-one chance with a lot of people all at once.
I feel like I can be who I want to be (and who I really am) online, because no one knows about my past, or whatever. I feel like it’s been really difficult growing up in the same place, around the same people, who all know you as whatever their first impression of you was in the 1st grade… We grow and change, and sometimes it’s hard to show people that we’ve changed in real life, but online, I can connect with those who have similar interests, and appreciate my ideas/opinions/thoughts/etc.
My friends in real life never bring up the fact that I do all this online stuff, like Twitter or my blog, or the fact that I have friends on myspace that I don’t know, even though I know they think it’s a little strange. But it’s another side of me that I can’t show to them as easily.
<3
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