A few weekends ago Ned and I were totally emotionally wiped out. We laid paralyzed, tangled and unshowered on our couch. The piles of  dirty plates, half empty soda cans and beer bottles had begun to tower.  The only thing we seemed capable of was watching episodes of Babylon 5 for hours on end.

As I tried to think of something to ward off the apathy, I suggested we go to the store and let Little Ned and Little Rabbit pick out whatever toy they wanted. I usually hate trips to Target  but standing at the length of  the pink toy aisle was totally different. We lost over an hour combing through the shiny aisles, wondering at classic toys like slinky dog and light bright and marveling at modern equivalents.

Our inner children were absorbed and excited. As I strolled through the toy aisle I eyed a lone furry blue puppet. I picked up the puppet and looked into it’s glossy eyes, “Hello”, Little Rabbit said, mouthing a  “Hello” back from the puppet.

While it was easy to connect with Little Rabbit and let her steer in the toy aisle it was not so easy to let go of Adult Rabbit. My adult-self nagged “Do you really need to spend $15 on a puppet?!” After about a half hour of helping Ned pick out his toys while cradling the puppet, it was too late: I had bonded with the toy and it was clear that Little Rabbit would be taking it home.

We stepped out of the store with pretty good haul: a domo doll, the puppet I would later name Gomez (posing above),  a large squishy yellow ball, a pocket sized soft lion and a paddle-ball game.

When making any sort of life changes or doing self-work the most important thing I have learned to is to be extra gentle with yourself.  So many times we push ourselves to keep going, going and going, the inner world becoming a mini dictatorship . What if instead of being dictatorial with yourself you were more anarchistic, more free with yourself.

One of the most effective methods I have learned to help foster a sense of empathy and delicacy towards myself is to carry and cradle a beloved stuffed animal. That action of holding something softly in your arms creates a sense of nurturing that easily transfers to yourself. Since you will have to leave the house at some point and carting around a stuffed bear might not be the most optimal choice, try carrying something small that you feel soft towards in your wallet or purse. This is where that pocket sized plush Lion I bought comes in handy.

I think there is a lot to be said for doing what you feel like. We are so conditioned to not do what we want: don’t eat what you are craving, don’t sleep whenever you’re tired, don’t scratch that itch. But on the way home from the store, I let the inner child go, and mimed things at passers by with  my new puppet.