If you are going to have sex you need to use protection, if you don’t then blah blah blah. We all know this; it should be procedural.  But…we don’t always use protection. Sometimes a lot less than we should.  Contracting an STD or hearing that someone that you know has one is a bit appalling. It’s that whole “But it can’t happen to me” cliche. In reality something like 1 in 4 girls has had an STD, it isn’t rare and shouldn’t be shocking.

It goes without saying that STD’s are taboo. In my experience STD information is presented by using scare tactics and hints of shaming. Because of this I think we feel sort of separated from them — just think of how you learned about STD’s in health class.  If it was anything like my experience it included a teacher who veiled their bubbling embarrassment with harshness, presenting photos of graphic worst case scenarios and unsympathetic language.

More than just STD’s being stigmatized I think any condition having to do with the genitals is somewhat unmentionable: yeast infections, hemorrhoids, even periods to some extent. This makes me think that our reaction must come from early childhood when GENITALS=BAD AND DIRTY was beaten into us . However, there is no doubt that  STD’s are seen as worse than other genital conditions.

I say we need to bring STD’s out of the closet. We need to become more sex-positive when it comes to STD’s.

I’ve had two STD’s in my life. After a few months of trying to convince myself that I had a bad case of razor burn, I scheduled a pap knowing I had genital warts. At the time I was in college and didn’t have insurance.  I had to go to my parents house to see the family doc at the office where my mom worked. I told my mom what was up and received some hefty shaming. But I got the treatment and went back to the city with even more misery about the whole thing than I left with.  After about two weeks of settling into a life of staying in to watch movies with my cat and remembering to put weird cream on my vagina before bed, I received a call from my Gyn. My results were back and I also had chlamydia.

Refusing to face my mom again,  I called Dr. Rick, an over tanned doctor who hung out in the bar of the restaurant where I worked. He was creepy, sure, but was always more than willing to give me a xanax in exchange  for some conversation and a few drinks with him.

I told him I needed meds because I had an STD. “Let me guess, chlamydia” He said. “How did you know?” I asked. “Everyone your age has it” he said nonchalantly. Dr. Rick told me he could help

Meanwhile, the STD’s nagged at my self esteem opening a new avenue for self attack.  I don’t think I’m alone in this. But what upsets me is that it really does not have to be this way.

STD’s could be a positive thing, they could be a turning point. What I mean is they can provide a time to change your approach to sex and become truly sex positive. I really cannot think of a better time than after being diagnosed an STD to reflect on your sexual experiences and ask yourself what is not working.

Months later after the warts had cleared up I was hooking up with a cute, skinny, brown eyed boy. Just as things were getting hot–rolling around in bed, my hand over his jeans, tugging at his belt– he stopped me. “I cant” he said. “Why?” I asked. “I can’t…I… have genital warts” he stammered. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.  “Oh, that is totally okay” I said, pausing slightly before adding “I’ve had them before too.” We both burst out into a long laugh.

So it may be that all we learned in school (and often from our families as well) is that STD’s are bad and scary: if you have them than you are a dirty person worth shaming and looking down upon. But this is just not true! Look at the statistics; if that were the case think of how many of your best friends, relatives, people you’ve dated and people you look up to would be gross and dirty. Allowing STD’s to be stigmatized only helps to spread them and can be dangerous to those who have them through not seeking proper treatment.