That year on television was a program that seemed constantly on, but really just played at odd times of the day. “The Kisses for Kittens Program” said the TV, “has given over 100,000 kiiiisses to 2,500 kiiittens this year!” At home, people nodded. They pledged, along with the TV, to “not let a single kitten go kiss-less!”

When people grew angry, instead of yelling or bopping their cat on the head, they’d feel their jaw clench and their teeth grit as they pressed their mouth to the furry skull and kiiiissed it.

The kittens grew up odd. They yelped incessantly and couldn’t stand to be alone. They ran across the room, bolting right up to their owner’s noses then stopping. Then eventually didn’t stop, but kept running and left.

The kittens moved to New York City. They rubbed fur on fur at parties and gathered in corners, smoking parliaments and hissing at calicoes. In each other’s big black eyes, they only saw their own reflections. It’s questionable though whether they could identify themselves looking back.