So why don’t you tell us about yourself?

I’m a male sex worker. I’ve been in the business since 1997. I work independently but my civil partner runs an escort agency, made up mostly of trans females.

What has the emotional journey of sex work been like for you?

A lot of my clients are married–about 90%. They are keeping their homosexuality or bisexuality a secret.  I think when they get close to someone like me a lot of emotion opens up. Then, in their minds it’s like they’ve got a boyfriend.

One client I have is in his 70’s–his wife died quite recently and he’d  kept his gay feelings in tight control for all of his marriage. He became a little bit obsessive after seeing me, to him it was like having a new life open up.  He asked “Do you wanna go out somewhere or do something?” That can be quite difficult sometimes.

The client for me is very important. He’s part of the whole sex-work argument, the whole debate. You can’t ignore the minimization of them.

I’m curious what you think of the way that the media portrays these “Johns”…

Well, for the past 11 years, the clients I’ve met have been very pleasant, mostly respectful, nice people. I have never come across any violence in my work.

But also what I hear from the girls is that clients become obsessed with them, sometimes, they couldn’t get the client to leave.

You have to quite clear with them, repeatedly, say “this is simply a working relationship”. Or a friendship. You know, “I don’t want you to leave your wife, that would kill this friendship.” I have also met a couple of girls who have fallen for clients. I’ve heard one or two stories where that has worked but that I think is very, very rare.

How did you get into the business?

Purely by accident. A friend of mine was a dominatrix—she was transsexual. She asked me to answer the telephone for her ‘cos I’ve worked from home. I’m a designer as well, with my own business. Eventually, an agency was born.  One day a guy called, wanting a gay escort. They had no one available, so I said “Alright. I’ll go” not really knowing first thing about it.

What is it like when you go see a client?

When the client rings up, you visit them or they visit you. It’s fairly like a blind date. They may have seen photographs of you. They’re not sure what you’re going to look like…so they’re more nervous than you are.

What does commercial sex offer?

So part of sex work is teaching people ways of having better sex….and  having  safer sex. I’m still amazed by people who have been married for years have never had oral sex or anal sex or whatever.

Also things like tenderness, through hand touching and learning to relax. Having sex is not something that’s over in five minutes. You have to make it last hours. It’s actually a whole range of things that we offer to the client.

What makes for a bad experience?

Clients that come very quickly and are nervous and in a rush—those who are very uptight and embarrassed about being there. Because then I don’t think I’m doing my job properly. I don’t think they’re getting their money’s worth, compared to what they could experience from our meeting.

A good experience is when he  relaxes. When we spend the full hour, kiss, cuddle and enjoy the experience.

What don’t you like about being a sex worker?

It is just like any job, it can be a very stressful. You see two, three or four clients a day–each  for an hour or so. And then you look at all the emotional things they bring with them.

What message would you want to impart about sex work?

I think the majority of  people probably don’t really understand sex work. They only have an idea that has come through the media.

Most of them do not understand the difference between criminalization and de-criminalization. But I think they all want sex workers to be safe, but they think it’s only the government and the legislators who can help…. It’s very vague as a situation.

I know that you in the past have gone head to head with anti sex work feminists…

I think sex work is a  human rights issue. A lot of the anti-sex work stuff stems from sexual fears, both male and female. Women buy sex, men buy sex, women sell sex, men sell sex.

Disabled women buy sex, middle-aged women buy sex. I was shocked the last time I was in Turkey, to see that many old women  were with young men. It was quite obvious that they were paying for the services those men were offering. And to me it’s a human right. It’s my right to do what I want with my body.