I know the position well, sitting, mouth agape while a friend tells me her story. Whether it’s the friend who almost lost her virginity to John Mayer (she only asked for an autograph but he offered) or the friend who left a rambling love letter after her first time (which would also be the last time with that guy.)
I went to my twitter and facebook friends (girls and guys) curious about their tales. And above, is the romance I found.
These are treasured stories but often, they aren’t happy ones. A new study came out explaining that while men feel better about themselves and their body image after they lose their virginity, women feel worse. According to Scientific American: “The researchers think that men may get a boost in self-esteem from feeling desired. And losing virginity is a societal benchmark for masculinity. But for young women, who tend to be more sensitive to body image, first sex might increase the insecurities brewing since puberty.”
Other studies have found that women feel depressed after first time sex, more than guys. According to one: ”women were significantly more likely to report that their first sexual experience left them feeling less pleasure, satisfaction, and excitement than men, and more sadness, guilt, nervousness, tension, embarrassment, and fear.”
39 Comments
I lost my virginity in my late 30s to a woman friend about 18 years older than me. We became friends through a shared interest in quiz nights and sometimes I would end up sleeping over at her place after a quiz or when I went over to watch a movie with her. She had a big bed, so I would always sleep on the other side of it. Sometimes she would touch my foot with hers, maybe accidentally maybe on purpose. But she always pretended it was an accident and would apologise.
Anyway, one day we were a bus trip to do some wine tasting and I admitted that I didn’t mind playing footsies with her when we were in bed. And I said I was a virgin. She said she wouldn’t mind having sex with me. I said I wouldn’t mind having sex with her. So we agreed to have a go next time I stayed over.
So, when I was next over she said, “O.K. But lets take things slowly”…But I haven’t had another relationship since that short fling, which was about ten years ago now.
Wow, so you were in your 30′s and she was in her mid-late 40s? That’s a unique story. I like having guys stories peppered in here, because I think they are actually different than we assume. The studies show that it is just girl’s who feel depressed after they lose their virginity, but what that doesn’t factor in is the stress men feel about their virginity. Namely, from what I understand the anxiety and depression and bullying that comes with still being virgins.
I feel sad for the people who didn’t enjoy or relish in their first time and even worse for those who didn’t have the choice either because of a forceful partner or because of peer pressure.
It’s a shame when a lifetime full of sexual adventures is lost because of one (or several) bad experiences.
Thank you for using my story
I’m assuming you’re letting us decide what counts as ‘virginity’ here as well as the ‘loss’ of it, but I’m still unsure how to define it for myself. I like to think it has some measure of consent attached, but my first time (and second, third, fourth… twentieth?) time was statutory rape, and I’m still conflicted as to how consensual it was. I mean, I knew what I was doing. I sought this guy out. I was a smart 15-year-old. But that doesn’t excuse his actions, especially because he was a child psychiatrist (not MY psychiatrist, but still): he knew *why* I was doing it, and it wasn’t for good reasons.
Anyway, the first time a guy put his penis in me, I was 15 and he was 31, and I was lying sideways on the bed in a Quality Inn with my eyes closed tight while that Rodney Dangerfield movie about coaching a girls’ soccer team played on TV. I cried afterwards.
Yeah, if that was the consensual loss of my virginity, then it’s gotta be among the most pathetic stories ever.
@AlphaHarlot
“It’s a shame when a lifetime full of sexual adventures is lost because of one (or several) bad experiences.”
Uh, what? I’m doing just fine now with the awesome sex I’m having, thanks.
Wow, Lorie that is an intense story :/ I feel for 15 year old you. I wish I could sit down next to her and put a hand on her back, afterwards. I was just thinking, after Harlot’s comment, that sharing stories might especially be helpful is they are negative experiences. Getting these tales out there helps us in navigating how or why a bad experience happened. It can help us have dialogs about how we should sex educate young people. And it can continue to help our sec lives now–in what decisions we can now make in each of our sexual conquests.
I think the girl with the “heart of fire” cover/rape story really nails this, she tells her story but then goes onto say what she wishes would have been different about her sex ed.
And yeah, I am letting everyone define what virginity loss was for them. So, like for you Lorie, I could see you counting that or not but it’s up to you.
What you are talking about is statutory rape… but I’ve been thinking a lot about “gray rape” lately and how we should handle it. Often in gray areas of consent, we talk about it as gray “rape”, but does this reinforce some sort of “sex is a precious gift, virgin/whore” dichotomy? If it’s consensual but gray, should we work towards less victimizing and more towards understanding that gray consent happens in sex, regardless of your gender. And what is important is gaining tools for that not to happen? I never want to blame the survivor. And I suppose, it depends on each situation for how it should be treated. I just wish we had more open dialog and processing tools for these things–rather than something that needs to be talked about in hushed tones or pushed under a rug.
@ Lori & Alpha I agree I’ve had bad experiences and I move on…but that is only because I choose to process them, understand them and not act them out. I’m not sure what other women do, but processing and understanding yourself sexually seems rare. I know it would be much harder to have a full sex life if I were running away from my sexual demons
Age 16, at my parents house, with my long term girlfriend, lousy sex but it was perfectly normal for both of us. Not much of a story. I did have a 14 year old proposition me once (when I was 15) and I didn’t do it because I was scared.
If I had immense social value like John Mayer, I would proposition fans. Seduction is a lot of work and sometimes it gets old.
Last thought: the male sex drive in our teens is an IMMENSE, hurtling force that completely overwhelms us. So when you say there’s a lot of pressure from guys or they behave stupidly to get laid, you get some sense of our crippling struggle. The only thing I can equivocate it too is hunger (food), when we’re starving we make poor decisions.
Personally, I think teenage boys should fuck professionals–arranged by their fathers–in order to keep in balance.
Lance, I’m thinking more sex education is what would REALLY help, but round the kids up and send them to brothels every week? Well, that’s one way to navigate hormones. Now only if the sex workers were also sex educators teaching them about things like consent.
I expected my first time to be lackluster at most, I had heard all the stories about 30 seconds with Jeopardy in the background. I was totally surprised, It was wonderful. I was 16 and he was 18, and he was moving out of state the next day. He asked me one last time if i wanted to do it with him, saying he really wanted me to be the one to take his virginity. It hurt at first, but then it was like something broke (but it didn’t feel like a hymen) and it was amazing, way better than I ever expected sex to be. Afterward, we couldn’t stop giggling and kissing each other.
Erica, your story is kind of adorable and makes me smile. FOR THE RECORD, LADIEZ: I totally did not bleed or break any magical flesh barriers. Does any modern gal? I guess I assume it was a tampon or bicycle that got my diaphanous mythical piece of skin, but I remember reading that not everyone’s hymen gets broken through or bleeds, period.
‘Tampon or Bicycle” seems like a good blog name, though.
I lost mine when I was 17 with my first proper boyfriend. We had been fooling around for a few weeks, unsure of whether to take it to the next level. We shared a bed most nights, and one morning I woke up horny as hell and seduced him. I always wanted to be an active sexual person who made my own decisions, and that was possibly the best way I could have lost my virginity.
My first time was when I had just turned 16, with a boy a few years older who still had Dennis the Menace wallpaper. He tried all the tactics to get me to lose my virginity to him – guilt tripping, getting me drunk, etc – but they actually didn’t affect me and I had sex partly to get it out of the way as I felt way too old to be a virgin, and partly to get him to shut up. It hurt a lot. I remember afterwards trying to figure out how I felt because I was under the impression that I would be in some way changed as a person or traumatised or have some great revelation or something, now I was no longer a Virgin, but I realised I felt exactly the same just mildly underwhelmed. This might sound like a really negative story, and I was acting out of low self esteem, but I’ve never regretted it and I think I’ve benefited from having a fairly casual attitude towards sex – sex can be special and it can be traumatising but I think it’s dangerous to perpetuate this idea that it is such a ‘big deal’. Beyond the effect it can have on your hormones, it is what you make of it.
So, like Dawn, I also felt “in control” and “powerful” when I was lost my virginity. I had wanted to do it, I went after the boy I wanted and that felt great. But unlike Avery, I did end up feeling terrible! I didn’t regret it, but I felt depressed, I wanted more from this boy and he was gone afterwards. It was like I naturally had a casual attitude towards having sex but then something happened after I had it, whether it was cultural messages, hormones, or a mix of both I am unsure. But I agree with you Avery, I think maybe it was building it up as this big momentous thing in my head that also led to feeling depressed. I wish I could go back and tell past me that first time sex is both a big deal, and not.
My first time was a total surprise. I had been dating my boyfriend, who was 17 and also a virgin, for about four months at the time. We had discussed having sex, but would always back out before we got there. The day before my 17th birthday, we were in his bed naked, fooling around. We were rubbing all up on each other, not intending to go any further than that, and then all the sudden…he was inside me. It was a wonderful feeling, and it was also terrifying. He pulled out right away, and we hugged each other for a long time. I think his dad was outside mowing the lawn while this was happening hahaha. Needless to say, we couldn’t really keep going. It wasn’t until the next day that we got to do it until we both finished. I couldn’t believe I actually had an orgasm the first time I had sex! To this day, he’s been the only one to ever get me off from just PIV sex. Crazy.
I was always glad that we didn’t do it one of the times we planned to. Those times felt unnatural and awkward. The time it did happen for us felt like a natural progression from what we had been doing and what we had yet to do.
Our relationship went south after a few years, but I still remember my first time very fondly.
Mic, yay! you haven’t commented in awhile, no? Good to have you back
So you get the sounds of a lawn-mower, I get Genuwine. And WOW to your first time orgasm, how rare must that be!!!???
I was 20 & kinda over being a virgin, but hadn’t connected with a guy I wanted to give it up to . . . & then I started a flirtation w/my tattoo artist. He knew I was a virgin & was very respectful about it, & we fooled around and I made the decision to lose my V card to him or else I’d regret it later.
He was fingering me, then well, apparently he penetrated me, but I didn’t realize it. (Not even because he was so tiny. very weird but I didn’t notice & he asked me later how it felt to not be a virgin & my surprise shocked him. We had about a 10 month fling & he always said ‘your first time sucks’ and that I’d forget him. And compared to the sex I had later, yeah, the first time did suck. I was a bit underwhelmed because being penetrated didn’t wow my body but I was proud to finally not carry the V card.
I think the studies that find women to be more depressed after sex are really misleading. They perpetuate this myth that women naturally dislike sex, or have bad experiences with it, when really it is mostly cultural ideas that make women feel this way. We are so defined by either our virginity or lack thereof, that our first sex is made out to be this really defining moment, when often it really isn’t. The way we label women is so tied up in their sexuality, I think it leaves most girls really confused and anxious about their first time.
We also keep on telling girls that their first time is not going to be that great, so don’t worry about it, when instead we should be advocating for them to choose to have their first sex when it is organic and natural and actually feels good. I love Mic’s story, because it actually is about two people enjoying their sex lives, and not letting pressure or fear or social anxiety direct their decisions.
I love this project, because I think an open dialogue will actually pinpoint the reasons why a person’s first time is good or bad, and not just label things according to gender stereotypes.
And I also love that you put these stories on romance novel covers. It just makes them all the more precious and strange
Jess, interesting, wow. While I have no idea what might have gone on for you, I have to admit your honesty rings a bell for me. I mean, when it comes to virginity, when it comes to sex can we stop acting like the act of penis-to-vaginal insertion is this end all-be all? While that is indeed what made me feel as though I’d lost my virginity (mostly because I still hasn’t had oral yet. !!!) And while I think virginity is kinda like, ya know it when you lose it, I think this is somewhat a dangerous idea to keep perpetuating. I mean, I wish I knew as a teen that there were other things that could get me off and I didn’t have to have intercourse as “sex” always!
Okay, that was an official rant. Sorry to jump off from you Jess. But what can I say you inspired me.
Thanks Eliza
I am absolutely intrigued by your comment. Certainly when I lost my virginity a large part of that depression was ingrained cultural messages. While it’s good that researchers are tapping into this phenomenon so we can talk about it as a problem, I think you remind us we also should talk about the fact that it doesn’t need to be this way. It’s a social/cultural thing that we can work towards changing.
***I guess my question is, what do you guys think we can do to help solve the problem of girls legitimately feeling depressed after first time sex?*** I honestly believe that us getting our stories out there and talking about it is therapeutic for healing that younger self within, but how do we reach out to girls going through it now?
@Rachel – I didn’t bleed or notice anything “breaking” during sex, and I was absolutely terrified that the guy I was with would think my claims of virginity had been falsified. It seems like you’d have to keep yourself fairly inactive and demure (no rigorious exercise, and for god’s sakes, no tampons!) in order to keep your hymen in tact far past your early teens. One of those curious things!
I lost my virginity at 19 to an angel of a guy who was very concerned with my comfort. Ours was a long distance relationship, so we were in a hotel and he’d put out candles and drew me a hot bath which we took together (the idea being that it would help “relax my insides” as he put it – so cute!) The sex wasn’t great, of course – and it was still hella uncomfortable – but I can’t think of a better way to lose your V-card than with someone so thoughtful and understanding.
I do wonder if that experience has anything to do with why I vastly prefer more carnal sex than the gentle, slow, romantical variety. Maybe the latter reminds me too much of the relative underwhelming nature of my first time. Something to ponder!
As long as it was enjoyable that’s what’s most important. And to the women who had a bad experience, you have my sympathy. No woman should have to endure negative emotions especially when it comes to sex. Now, if we can only get a friend of mine who is an 81 yr old virgin sex before he dies. Any suggestions?
Scarlett, I think unless you sit very still, without moving or showing too much leg your hymen will break. It’s the same thing with slut-shaming, unless you spend all of your time sitting and praying it seems you can be called a “slut”. Also, your story is adorable!!!
Zeus, there is only one answer: find a good and willing sex worker!
I was just about to turn 18 when I lost it, and I had ridden out some sticky stuff in high school that meant I never really dated, but I had developed a major crush on a friend shortly before losing contact with him. Six months later he writes a trite little “I miss you” post on my facebook, and the next thing I know I’m hanging out in his bedroom listening to the Sneaker Pimps at 1:30 when I have class the next morning. I was totally ready to lose it, I even had condoms in my purse on the off chance that we hooked up that night, and we did. He was 21 or 22 at the time, I had been in college for a year and a half by then. I only told him I was a virgin when we were naked and he was on top of me, about to put it in… not my finest moment.
He made it pretty clear that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to, etc. He got a little nervous afterwards that he had “taken something special” from me, but that’s just the remnants of a christian upbringing rising up in an otherwise rational punk. I definitely had a good time, and there was blood, so to compensate we ended up spraying fake blood from a haunted house he had worked at on each other and he started drawing little designs on me. Still remains the strangest post-coital experience I’ve ever had. We split a cigarette on his front porch and I got home around 5am. I stole one of his hats that I had been wearing all night (first trophy!) and accidentally left my work apron on his floor. Came home to my parent’s house wearing half my work uniform, covered in fake blood, with a new hat on… I’m pretty sure my worried dad didn’t ask because he didn’t want to know. The next day he moved to a different city, I saw him once more on my 18th birthday, and that was the end of that. I was definitely more excited to lose it than anything else.
and to follow up on why girls feel bad afterwards, I don’t think it has anything to do with not liking sex at all.
Think about it: Sex is pretty much the pinnacle of human intimacy, and even when it’s supposedly “casual,” it can get pretty intense. After having sex for the first time, you’ve broadened your capacity for intimacy by a tremendous degree, but the reverse is true: You’ve also stretched your capacity for loneliness. When it’s wrapped up in a loving relationship you don’t get the aftereffects until the whole package goes south, and that loneliness just gets labelled under “‘first heartbreak.”
However, if you’re not in a relationship, the next time you’re feeling a lonely you end up surprised and dismayed at just how bad you can feel now, leading a lot of girls to say shit they don’t mean like “it’s not worth it” or “you’ll regret it later” when really they mean “what goes up must come down.”
IMO, coming up is waaaay worth coming down. I think guys get this to some extent too, but they’re sort of deflective about their emotions due to social conditioning in the first place, and when you add in the stigma of girls having sex it just leads to a disparity in the numbers.
I feel it is our duty as women to offer the younger generation of girls a more inviting and empowering environment. This also includes their sexual experiences. I think, personally, one of the best things we can do for girls is to help them create their own identities that don’t involve their body, sexuality, and the esteem of men. We need to start speaking to them, and about them, not in terms of their sexuality, such as the virginity movement’s big push to define girl’s morality by their sexual habits, or every teen magazine devoting much of their pages to popularity and relationships, but in terms of who they actually are. We need to show them how to better define their life, their goals, their desires, and their images without only seeing themselves through the eyes of others. If girls have a better understanding of who they are and what they are about, they can make healthier and smarter choices in their sex, in whatever form they choose to have or not have it, and will feel much more entitled to enjoyable experiences.
I am not exactly sure how we teach girls to do this, but probably the best way we can start is to figure out how to do this for ourselves.
23 male virgin, i like your writing because you come from a scientific perspective
This post is fantastic, and the comments are totally amazing. My first time having “intercourse” with a guy was pretty lame.
The guy was incredibly nice. I was 17, and I think he was 21, and I was high… Ok, that doesn’t sound nice at all. But my friends and I got high and showed up at this apartment he shared with a few other guys. The other guys were all blatantly hitting on the girls, and he was just NICE to me. We hung out and talked and laughed, and we decided to watch Southpark in his room when everyone else wanted to watch a horror movie. We ended up having awkward sex because (1) I didn’t know what I was doing, and (2) I don’t think he knew, either. I wish I had known him better, and I wish I hadn’t been high, but … so be it.
This was obviously not my first intimate sexual experience, but it was a milestone to be sure.
Madeline, I love that you included a trophy. Being married I had almost forgotten all about trophies! <3 And I love your insights, I often say that casual sex is great but one of the truths about sex is that it emotionally opens up SO much inside ourselves, it makes us vulnerable, it brings up memories we don’t have words or images for, it’s so personal. There is really no way to prepare for that when it’s just suddenly happening all over the sheets.
Eliza, Yes I am curious what you have to say about the blog I just hit publish on: http://rachelrabbitwhite.com/why-do-girls-feel-more-depressed-after-first-time-sex/ It’s very in line with the Purity Myth type stuff you are talking about. I think you are right, we put so much emphasis on girl’s sexuality or chasteness, girls unconsciously believe their having sex or not having sex IS their value as a person! We are worth so much more than this (obviously). And that is what we need to grow.
I am wondering if just reminding girls they are smart, that it’s okay to be smart or funny or weird or whatever instead of just sexy or chaste is a key.
Thanks don knotts! Curious, about your definition of virginity too. Looking back when I lost my virginity, I wonder if me now would have counted earlier encounters..
Hahaha, aw Mary
Did you see him again or avoid him and having-sex-to-Southpark again forever?
It was a long way for me, inside 2 years of virginity “losses”.
My first kiss was at 15 with my first boyfriend. Two months after we were already making out, discovering each other, he was 16 and virgin too. We spend most of the time together (one year) masturbating and making oral sex (he was perfect). But this was traumatic because he tried to have sex with me when I didn’t want to.
Then the next boyfriend was virgin to and when we started making out was really good, he was impressed with my body and a little ashamed of his. So I felt comfortable to talk and I explained my fear, and he said he would never force me into it. I “lost” my virginity after six months, with him. At first we tried even knowing that it could just not work and it didn’t, twice. The condom was to cold and it got me more nervous.
Next thing I know is that I was sitting over him one day and suddenly he was inside my anus. It was pretty good and we were happy, it was were I first had penetration, I was relaxed and it didn’t hurt.
A week later… one day we were just naked and kissing on the bad and he was playing with his penis aound my vagina like we used to do and then he started to push it, it felt good but and didn’t realize, I just though “weird I feel a pressure just like anal but he is not there” then I looked down adn I saw that he was half in. Then he went with the rest (slow) and I started crying. I cried because it felt good, because I loved him and because I was a complete woman, and I was free form trauma and fear. He got worried thinking that I was hurt, crying out of pain and then I said it was from happiness.
Then we waited my period to come so I could get on the pill. Them on the second day of period and pills and with a heavy flow, we took a bath together and had sex there on his bathroom floor and came together and it was complete. And perfect. (and bloody)
I had sex of every kind every week for the next 3,5 years with him ^^
Madeline, I think your comment is really insightful. It reminds me of a Jonathan Goldstein story about losing his virginity. All through high school he was obsessed with losing his virginity, and when he got into college he finally had a girlfriend he really loved and was ready to lose it to. However, once he had sex, he says he didn’t care so much anymore about losing his virginity, he cared a lot more about losing her.
Pan, I know you were worried about your English but I think you got the story across
I am loving these happy ones and throwing in the kinky bloody bath bit is awesome.
Eliza, aw sad. I agree, I could sit and expand on Madeline’s comment all day, great stuff there.
I loved this idea of sharing loss of virginity stories so much, I wrote a full piece on my blog. You can read it here if you like: Cherry Thank you for asking!
The first time I experienced the intercourse facet of my sexuality was nearly a year ago, when I was 17. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a little over a year, and we were both technically virgins but experts at oral. We were lying naked on the cream colored rug in the living room, kissing and rubbing skin against skin, as we often did. The tip of his penis pressing against my vagina felt amazing. We gazed at each other, searching our faces for signs. I knew it was going to happen, and this decision made my mind flutter. Seconds after, he asked me “Do you want to?”. I hesitated, not knowing how to say that yes, this was definitely something I wanted, this was something I had been anticipating. Somehow, I nodded and smiled, and he said something along the lines of “I’m glad. I want to, too.” We had both discussed about wanting to be under the stars when it happened. We giddily collected two blankets and a giant heart shaped pillow and went into the back yard. After hurriedly creating our love nest, we picked up where we had left off. However, I was on top this time. I remembered reading somewhere that “losing your virginity” is especially painful if you’re on top, so I rolled over. After a great deal of kissing, stretching, and thrusting, my vagina was hugging a penis and my boyfriend’s penis was covered in vagina juice. We rolled over again, and I remember my boyfriend saying he saw a falling star. Shortly after, he kissed me and said “I”m going to wash up really quick.” I stood in the doorway, trying to contain my desire to skip around. When we returned, we cuddled and filled our eyes with stars. We faced each other and shyly discussed what had felt especially good, and subjects of that nature. It wasn’t what I would consider a sexy experience, but it was definitely loving and warm. Since then, our love has grown and the physical distance between us has tripled, so we bathe in each other whenever we have the chance.
Had intercourse for the first time in my early 20′s with my (one-and-only) college girlfriend, with both of us wanting to do it. It was also her first time. Both of us found it to be a pleasant experience, for the most part.
She told me the day after that she expected to feel different, but didn’t. I expressed a similar sentiment. For neither of us was this a bad realization. It was a moment of, “Oh, right, it’s just sex.”
Interestingly, my struggle with “virgin shame” came later, when I was not in a relationship anymore. Pre-intercourse I just felt like, “Yeah, I’m not in that phase of my life yet.” (And my drive for sex at that point was largely out of intense curiosity and biological urges.) But afterwards, the lack of sex in my life felt much more damning. “Now I am in that stage of my life… and I’m still not getting any.” Combined with a general need for a warm body to cuddle with, it can be intensely depressing if you don’t manage yourself well.
Thanks LGS
Awesome work.
Natalie, your story is another adorable one. I relate to the “happy dance” feeling
I remember also that “being on top the first time” versus not on top was like a thing. I was also on top for a good portion because it seemed maybe easier to move around and enjoy/understand/connect with my partner? It still makes sense to me, too.
Xakudo, interesting. After my first sex relationship ended was when I all of the sudden felt much more like I needed to be careful about who I had sex with. It wasn’t until after I had done it, that virginity/sex became a “special gift”. Sounds almost similar to your experience…
I’m not sure if I should be considered a virgin or not. I was raped/molested when I was not yet 3 years old by a 16 year old male babysitter. I lost my hymen and alot of blood and gained nightmares and fear of males in general. Though I lost my physical virginity my mental one is still intact for the most part, I don’t remember the incident except in sleep so I sometimes feel like a virgin.. The last few years I have become more social and curious about men, at the age 25. Due to family obligations I was never able to go out and make friends and develop relationships of any sort. I am very nervous about any sort of relationships beyond friendship right now though, like when a guy hits on me I feel very strange and uncomfortable ( I also wonder WHY would they want me since I also have some self image issues). I have finally decided that until I’m more comfortable with myself and where I fit in the world then that’s when I’ll take that important step and be vulnerable with someone. I just with that there were someone willing to date without the expectation of sex after the first date or soon after starting to date. I want to gain some experience with interacting with someone who’s interested in me but when I tell them that I’m not ready for sex they drop me soon after (one even left me in the middle of a sentence). I feel like there is something wrong with me most of the time.
Melissa, your story is an intense and sad one and I so feel for you. Here is the thing–you decide your virginity. YOU name when it is gone. Virginity is not a piece of skin, virginity is an experience you have with someone. Good for you for continuing to put yourself out there. There are partners who will gladly take things slowly with you, and there is a growing community of asexual people who aren’t interested in sex at all, but relationships and intimacy. Asexuality is understood to be fluid as well, shifting with interest in sex over time. Some asexual people DO have sex as well. This community *could* be a good way for you to explore dating, just a thought. You are a strong one, hang in there! <3