Spring is spreading like an electric blanket over the city. This means two things: Spring vegetables are showing up at the co-op where I buy groceries and in the streets, Spring mini-skirts have too. I once heard Chicago cops have a different name for Spring, they call it “rape season.” One thing that I notice is once I shed my winter layers, the “hey babys” and honking horns suddenly become a lot louder.
We’ve been told that when we are harassed on the street to just ignore it. What that means for me (and I’ll guess most of us) is that we don’t say anything, keep walking and after those initial moments we push what just happened out of our minds.
We aren’t processing what happened. Street-harassment can be violent, it can leave you scared, embarrassed and vulnerable. Often feminism understands it as a threat, part of a continuum of sexual aggression with an unconscious nod to rape. To process all of this on the street would be so intense, it is no wonder we would rather ignore it.
But the problem is that we are then forced to dissociate.
It does seem really easy to write this issue off. After-all this is nothing new, feminism has been kicking this one around since it’s conception.
And some feminists have taken an approach of shaming guys. The idea of ” all men as potential rapists” is offensive and dangerous to men’s mental and emotional self-esteem.
While it might be a stretch for me to say that all men who consider themselves allies should never approach a woman on the street, I won’t argue against it here. Women need to have more of an upper-hand in dating, take the process into our own hands. If woman approaching man became the norm (or equal) we might not have to throw a cock-eye to every guy that came up to us.
The problem is we don’t have the tools to deal with these things. Our tools have been our hyper-vigilance, rape-whistles, pepper spray or keys gripped tight between knuckles. Our emotional tool has been to push away, to write it off as background noise. To actually be present to the experience and process it is to realize we live in a society where one sex is still singled out and abused in public. It is a lot to understand, and not thinking about it in the short-term might be easier. But if we want to evolve, we’ve got to understand and communicate about where we are now.
8 Comments
As a man, I was not aware of how pervasive and threatening this behavior was until recently and it has really changed almost my world view to empathize this closely with women.
I highly recommend reading this comment (you can skip the original article). When I read it I was stunned. It put a whole new perspective on what actually goes on. As men, I think we discount this behavior as much as women, yet are in as much of a position to stop it as they are.
Personal change and dialog in our relationships is how we change the world. Talk to the women in your life and push until you get the real stories and the real emotions.
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Rabs,
Thanks again for dealing with this issue so lovingly and generously towards men, the kind who don’t identify with street harassment or any related creepy behaviors. These unwanted calls make me fear for the safety of my female friends, especially on those late night walks home. It also makes me feel shamed as a male when a claim is made about such behavior on my behalf that I don’t agree with. I’ve also cross-dressed in the city before and had to ignore unwanted comments to an extreme and had to put some people in their place (not always recommended). Very scary.
We’ve seen this subject dealt with before and it not be “wonderful-men-positive”, something we all know is an issue for many men who sincerely want to be a part of feminism. Your writing (and years of friendship) gives me a voice as a feminist male, and writing like this empowers me to better understand my female (and let’s not forget LGBTQQ…ABCDEFG…) counterparts and to take feminism more seriously as it finds realistic voices to represent its constituents. It’s become something to perpetuate and be proud of for more than just females. Yay, and it’s because females who are entering this new future, aka you, for the sake of this comment, are so proud to support men in a mutual struggle, that this can happen and make me finally feel a sense of belonging to a group/issue that has widely squeezed me out. It’s a calling for all of us to come together for the sake of common compassion and love. It’s what third wave is all about and you depict it eloquently. Thanks again! <3
Ned,
I think you make an excellent point. It is all to easy for us all to discount this behavior. I could have gone into this post with the intention of showing you that it is *really* out there. I could have told you about being followed by men in cars, harassed by cops, grabbed and assaulted. But what I wanted from this was not to make you realize that it exists but to show that we aren’t discussing it. I also recommend reading the comment Ned linked to!!
Joe,
Also I think it is important for men to be just as aware about this stuff as women are. We want you as allies, I don’t think that means interfering with violent men but I do think it means stepping in and saying to the woman “is everything okay here.” Those little words could go such a long way. Thanks sooo much for your kind words!
I love that you bring up your cross-dressing as an example
I love the way this is written. Wonderfully put. Thankyou for this.
Hey Rabbit!
Thanks for this thoughtful, beautiful post. Street harassment is a hard nut to crack for the reasons you listed. If you walk on you feel victimized, if you yell at the guy you put yourself into further danger, and the police don’t care. To give women and LGBT an empowered response to street harassment, we started HollabackNYC.com in 2005. It has now spread to 20 cities worldwide, including Chicago.
Holla’ing back has gone a long way to build awareness of the issue, but as a women it’s changed the way I deal with street harassment. Having a response to street harassment in my pocket (my cell phone) makes me feel less alone and less humiliated when street harassment happens.
Hollaback girl!
Emily
Thanks Nio!
Thanks for the source, Emily.
Hi,
thank u so much for this article! I agree that there r still a lot of men that think it’s ok to cuss, embarass, abuse, & basically emotionally rape a woman in public & over time all those incidents add up & create an enormous amount of pain. I’ve come to understand in my city with a high homeless & transient population that many of these men r damaged goods due to their unhealthy relationships w/their moms & they feel the need to make strangers pay instead of face their own issues. It’s sad that I don’t feel safe to really dress stylish, ah oh well. But really thank u writing the article, it was cathartic.
Street harassment is a problem because it is disrespectful, inappropriate, and threatening behavior to adolescent girls and women in public places.
This behavior has the greatest negative effect on the well-being of adolescent girls who become conditioned to become silent, submissive, and fearful as opposed to becoming assertive, self-reliant, and confident.
Defeating street harassment requires a 3 Petal Plan that involves a combination of actions represented by the petals of Society, Targets of Harassment, and Bystanders. While each petal has a different role, they must all work together in order to create a lasting effect.
1. Society must create a culture of intolerance for street harassment in order to eliminate the behavior.
2. Targets of Harassment must learn strategies and methods to directly voice their disapproval when harassed.
3. Bystanders – must learn strategies and methods to intervene and mitigate when observing incidents of harassment.
Every situation of street harassment is different. Each situation requires a different response. But the overall strategy is the same: Society, Targets, and Bystanders need to communicate that street harassment is unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated.
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