rabbit_write_24 (mp3 download 4mb)

In this video I am answering a fresh set of reader questions, this time with a focus on questions from teens. A girl in highschool wants to know how to come out, a boy has no idea how to ask a girl out, someone is in love with their friend and another person wants to know about anal sex. To listen podcast style, use the audio player below the video. And if you have a question askrabbit@rabbitwrite.com

And now for a rant!

It’s Teen Week at the fab Medicinal Marzipan. Marzpian’s blog is the body-loving resource. Since Rabbit Write is a blog about sexuality and relationships, my contribution is something tucked under the rug: teens are sexual, and that this is okay.

So, teens can’t buy vibrators. They can’t view porn and gawwz knows how the media reacts when they take naked pictures of themselves on camera phones. These things are forbidden…in the name of “protecting them”.  Do you remember being a teenager? 17 was probably the height of my sex drive. It is normal that teens would explore their sexuality. But by “protecting them” from this, we are sexually shaming them. We are keeping sex as this bad, dirty thing. And that’s hard to shake.

So not surprisingly, taking a cue from the culture and adults, teens slut-shame each other. As the media vastly covered, two teens committed suicide after nude photos were passed around school. After they were extremely slut-shamed. But it is the culture that is wrong, not a teen who is exploring her sexuality.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was bullied by the crowd of girls who smoked outside and wore flared Mudd jeans, maybe because I also wore overly-flared jeans and too much eyeliner. The go-to was to yell “Slut!” when I walked into the crowded gym. Teenage bullying is so often sexual in nature. It seems one girl becomes a scapegoat, for others to project their own sexual shame and quandaries onto.

In my small town of churches and WWJD bracelets, I didn’t know what sex positivity was. Sex was only dirty and bad. In this view of sexuality there was no more than “don’t do it”. There was no talk of consent–of the many layers of consent. There was no learning what you like and asking for it. There was no sex beyond this one hetero act. In this view of sexuality, no morals existed. Anything that was sexual was bad. So anything went.

A lot needs to change: the way parents and teachers talk about sex, sex education, the way the culture views sex in general. But what you can control is the change within you.

If you are a teen, you can educate yourself, sex is not bad, it’s normal. You can read up on sex postivity and when you hear someone slut-shame, be an activist and remark: there is nothing wrong with sex.

Adults, it’s time to take off the kid gloves when talking with teens about sex. Many are doing it or thinking about doing it.  Be a model on how you talk about sex and treat sexuality. Be a resource on how  to have safe, fulfilling sex.

To Teenage Rabbit, you’ve only been told that sex can be dangerous. And it can be. But it can also be wonderful and loving and full of self exploration. Even now. Listen to yourself. And speak from that place of strength inside about what you know, what you feel and want.

Were you bullied as a teen? What would you tell your teenage self now?