Moving away from your hometown or just out out your parents house is a leap. To anyone who has made it out of a draining suburb or a hopeless small town, congrats! If you are a bit older and feel stuck in that same old space, don’t give up and do not compromise yourself.
I think any young person who is not being actively encouraged to experience the world away from home with no strings attached needs to examine the relationships which may be holding them back. Why not move to Thailand to teach English? Or go to NYC broke but fabulous?
Too often, small towns are about matching and fitting in. If you decide to leave the group for something you see as better, it will create waves. Deep down they know that if you leave– and mean it– you are not coming back.
But in the town where I’m from there is an adage about young people who make it out: “They’ll be back.” The only higher education option that was presented to me after high school was the local community college. True to the saying, each semester kids who had made it out began appearing in my classes one by one. But why? It felt like a quicksand, kids sucked into the multiple generation-old patterns of their families.
From a young age I also learned that living in cities was scary, stressful and crowded. There was an air of turning one’s nose up at it, as through city living were immoral. When I decided to move to the city I got a lot of, “Well I couldn’t do that. I don’t know how you’ll do it.”
When you reach leaving-home age one potent thing that happens is family propaganda. I was told things like “Remember that your family are the only ones who will always be there for you” and even “I’m sure you will forget all about us…” This doctrine takes form in many cliches: “Don’t forget where you came from”, “Home is where the heart is.”
Anyone who has ever vacationed knows that it only takes a few days of settling in before the hotel room becomes “home.” We are adaptive beings, your home is truly where you make it and your heart is with you.
16 Comments
great post rabbit<3 i grew up in a small town too and it was positively soul sucking, the boredom alone drove me insane. now ive been living in the city for a year and i LOVE it^_^
nicely done, rabbit. I continue to enjoy your voice.
-sgb
After finishing college in 2006 I was faced with the choice of moving home or “winging it” (as a lot of people saw it) and moving to a city on my own. I can positively say I’ve done more with myself in the past three years in Chicago than any other time in my life. When I think back to 2006 it seems like an entire lifetime ago. I have genuine friends who appreciate me for who I am here. This was never possible growing up. When I visit the country I always face the same questions. “You don’t own a car?” “Are you worried about losing your job?” “Are you afraid of getting shot?” – your article is dead on, Rabbit. There is so much fear of the unknown in rural America. Their genuine concern for my safety is endearing but at the same time completely laughable. I encourage anyone who has ever considered it to take a chance and make changes. It might be a cliche, but its true that you only live once.
Coming from the same area as you, it is easy for me to agree with most of what you are saying. I think that many times people, the male gender especially, gets the “big fish, small pond syndrome”, where you are the most popular, best athlete, best looking, etc..in your hometown but when you move to “the city” you find that you are just one of many and it takes a lot more than a good jump shot to make you stand out. On the other side of it, me and my friends took every opportunity to journey away from our hometown in our teens and twenties, with the full support of our families. We still like to travel but we do like the “hick town” that we live in and always come back home. I think that where you live or where you are from doesn’t matter as much if you have an open mind. A great song by Fragile Porceline Mice has a lyric “Small Town, Small Mind” seems to still stand true in most cases. Keep up the good work. I have been enjoying your posts..
really liked this article, very insightful. loved how you dug past the surface of the situation, took a step back and viewed things from a different perspective.
Thanks for this
Hey rachel,
what a great post. I left home at 18 to live away from my family for the first time, my parents were really sad about it but partly also because they feared the impending deFOO at the same time. Then a few months later I left for Australia from England. Its been an incredible journey that has helped me grow in ways I couldn’t imagine. I can’t think there’s anything better for independence and creating your own life than just getting out there and doing it!
Thanks for writing on it
bye for now.
I am from a CRAZY small town (my “hometown” – the place I went to high school – has a pop. of 800, the biggest place near it has 40,000 and that’s where I’m at now) and we’re moving to Austin soon. I am SO. EXCITED. I know exactly what you speak of – people acting like the city is so dangerous, or my favorite response, a blank stare and “Why?” when I say I’m moving. Hello, people, have you looked around you?! I’m not saying small town living is all bad, but way too often the “close knit communities” tend to turn on the people that don’t fit in and make life hell for them.
It is super hard to move out of a small community where everything is just easy. Mundane, but easy.
But, once you leave a small town, you do take part of it with you. Essentially, that “town” and all the people in it made you the strong person who decided to grow a pair and leave. While that small town can still be annoying with all the close minded people and the ignorance that seems to be pouring out of every other idiot, there is still some good there because you came from it.
And once you leave, live your own life without all that pressure and annoyance from those who think you are just nuts for leaving, you start to realize that it doesn’t really matter what the small people think. You are lucky for having an education and for having met a variety of different people from every walk of like that has had some impact on your life.
And sometimes you just realize that city life can be just as crazy as life in the smaller towns.
“But, once you leave a small town, you do take part of it with you. Essentially, that “town” and all the people in it made you the strong person who decided to grow a pair and leave.”
I disagree. The way things are now – We have strength in spite of our upbringing not because of it.
I owe nothing to my hometown nor the people in it. For one thing, “town” is a concept, not anything you can owe a debt to. Secondly, if my family/neighbours had done a decent job of raising me, I wouldn’t have wanted to leave.
Very inspiring.
Thank you all
Good to know there are others out there who have felt this too!!
It is amazing how the “open minded” can be so closed off.
Wow this is my life story rabbit! I just graduated from a high school in Texas and I live in a somewhat small town, but i’m leaving for philly to go to art school. The thought process you’ve expressed is something I can completely relate to rabbit. Great work!
Famous,
I am so happy you were able to relate, glad to hear you are following your dreams!
.-= Rabbit´s last blog ..RabbitLinks =-.
OH MY GOD! You just saved me from my quarter life crisis! I’ve been extremely depressed for the past 6 months because of this small town feeling and I now know what I have to do. I’ve tried talking to people about moving out but what you say is exactly what has been said to me. I have low self esteem so when people kept bashing me for wanting to move away, I thought I was going nuts from conflicting emotions. This is amazing. I feel like 300 pounds just got lifted from my conscious. Knowing what you want is the easy part. Figuring out how to get there is just, sooo daunting of a task.
Great article! I live in the UK in what could be considered a “small town” – many of it’s inhabitants certainly have the small mind! I left school, and wound up in Uni in a slightly larger city, but only a short distance away, and then ended up getting a job also near to home. I finally had enough of the whole mind-set of everyone I seemed to come across, have packed in the job, and I’m off to S. E. Asia / Australia, amongst others in 3 weeks! This article reaffirms my decision completely!
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